Boxing Day

Pardon the title. A hang over from my days in Canada. I like the concept by the way.

I have a few additional observations to make about mom and the treatments. TT sent a comment that x-ray technology was not advanced enough to have provided mom with radiation treatment. And he is probably correct. He also stated that he was 12. That made me think and that would have been in 1955. Bro, I was speaking of my memories from 1949. That summer, we were staying with our maternal grandparents on the farm. Dad was in Minneapolis with mom and she was at Fairfield hospital which I believe is on the river in southern part of the city. That is where my son Wade was born. I understand that mom received directed beams of radiation from a nuclear source such as Cobalt. I remember a description of her being draped with lead padding to protect areas that did not need to be radiated.

At that time I was only 8, you were 6 TT. Santini was 4 and Gino was only a wee lad of 2 years. I remember the terrible feeling of separation I experienced and the joy I felt when mom finally was able to return. I did not know what had happened, really, but I knew something was different. She gave us a gift that is still giving. Along with her doctor whose name I recall as being Jenkins, they were doing research that is still going on today to save our wives and daughters and others that come after us. Their names will never be celebrated in monuments or awards, but I know what she did has helped with what is happening with Darilyn. Again, I must add, Thanks Mom.

Adieu

Christmas Eve

It is Christmas eve here in sunny Florida. Actually, it was raining here today with a temperature of 72. That is why I live here. The temperature. We are sitting around this evening watching a little TV. The movie "The Lion, The witch, and The wardrobe" is on and it is well worth the rewatching. The presents are wrapped and under the tree with care "in hopes that St. Nick will soon be there".

Darilyn has been finished with chemo now for 4 weeks. On monday, we went to see the radiologist to find out about the radiation regimen. I learned something about the battle she is facing. She has what is called stage 3C breast cancer. Look up cancer stages through GOOGLE for a good definition of what that is all about. I did and was very thouroughly enlightened. Anyway, she will be having a Cat Scan on tuesday to determine where the location of possible cancer locations reside and from that, a scanning program will be created to irradiate the remaining locations. She will receive 5 treatments a week for 6 weeks. The chemo was to remove any possible cells that may have escaped into the body. This should greatly reduce the chance of re-occurrence.

Christmas this year is a little subdued. There is not much family around and that makes it smaller. Also, there has been so much happening that has been higher priority that somehow it has not gotten the attention it has usually required. We will have a good pork roast for dinner as we were a little tired of more turkey. We are looking forward to the day of peace and quiet.

Well enough of that for now.
* * * *
It is a couple of hours later now. I was laying in bed talking to Darilyn about things and a subject came out of something I was saying that I have to put down here for the older three of my siblings. That is TT, Gino, and Santini.

Guys, I was talking to the radiologist on monday with Darilyn and I told him that our mother had been a recepient of radiation treatment in 1949. He said, with some awe and surprise, that she had to be among the very first to have received that treatment. I do remember that it was said at the time that she was engaging in experimental studies in an effort to help herself as well as others. It seems that what she was part of was the beginning of what is today the standard treatment for women with breast cancer. It was part of what has saved the lives of thousands of women. To me, it has become the gift down the years to many others and to me. It is the gift of life and well being for the woman who I love more than life. Mom is still taking care of us guys. It is AWSOME. Thanks Mom.

Now I can logoff for the night on Christmas eve.

Adieu

Saturday Evening at home

Here it is another saturday evening at home as it says in the title. My lady has completed her chemo about 2 weeks ago. The aftermath was again without mercy. The troublesome white cell count again decided to go south for a while and that relegated Darilyn to the homestead and bedstead for a couple of rocky days. She had a little better time of it but it was still a long spell of fighting to get better. She is a very tough nut to crack. She says it is for me and if that is what makes her stronger to get through it, than it is ok with me. And she is doing much better. Tuesday afternoon I put her on a flight to visit her brother and mother in Las Vegas. This has been in the works for some time as a reward for getting this all taken care of. And it is his annual Christmas party which she has fun helping prepare. And she is happy to be with the people as we have other friends out there as well. She needed it. I have been in contact by phone and I can hear her strength returning in her voice. Tonight is the party.

I have been batching it here. I have Darilyn's daughter Barbara here and the grand daughter Jessica around this weekend to keep the old man occupied with family things. I will work my other gig as a security officer at a Jeff Dunham concert tomorrow evening. I will be working as an usher in hopes that I will have an opportunity to see the show as well. Good planning isn't it. Getting paid to be entertained. I like it.

I saw my endocrinologist, read diabetes doc, this week. All is going very well it seems. The HDL/LDL's are excellent, the blood glucose levels are excellent so all seems to be well in that department as well. If I can keep the blood pressure controlled as I have been, then I should beat the odds for a while longer. I find that when I mention to people that I have 9 stents in my heart that this seems to be bit of an oddity. Most have never heard of more than 4 or 5. I don't know what the good lord has in mind, but I will take whatever is coming as a gift. The father did not seem to make it as long it seems but he did not have the medical science we have.

I have spent the evening engrossed in my favorite past time. I have been playing online poker tournaments for the last couple of years in the play money category and find that I have learned a fair bit about No Limit poker. I find it very challenging and requires a goodly amount of skill. As well as being able to present your opponents with a truly false picture of what you may have in your hole cards. That is where I have learned quite a bit. And it is free. So that is a good thing.

Time to close for the evening.

Adieu

Another Day, December 3 this time

I have posted a photo of self with my pup from a few years back. I just found it and liked it, so there it is. Comments will be ignored of course.

My lady is in the doldrums of recovery these days. She has developed something called "thrush" and is not doing very well. But better than last time as we seemed to have gotten it earlier. That is a good thing. We got the meds she needed this morning and now it is a matter of waiting it out. I will be on call and try to keep the house in order. The experience of the years shows that I have kinda learned how to do it when I need to. As always, we do what we need to do to get the job done.

I have a telephone interview on the morrow for a possible position in Atlanta. It will be something to help pay the bills and has the potential of going on for a couple of years. If it comes about, I will work there on the week days and get home weekends. Darilyn has her work here and a pention plan via the state that she needs to become vested in for future protection of her well being. If there is such a thing with all the crap going on these days. Anyway, I just wanted to let the world know we are still here.

Adieu

Day after thanksgiving

Yes, it is the day after. Darilyn has had a quiet day but she says she feels crappy. Not sick, but just not feeling good all over. This is the course of the chemo. It has been 2 days since the treatment and we are getting into the valley of suffering. The next couple of days are the ones that need to be watched. I can tell she does not feel well because her temper is short. Things bother that normally would not. I do my best to let them roll off and the mostly do.

I worked 4 hours today and it was the usual type of baloney. People. people. people. I can deal with them individually as acquaintances, but the customer aspect just irritates me. Oh well. I will survive.

Getting late and need to go to bed.

Adieu

Thanksgiving Day

The day is pretty much over. We had to work today so we had our celebration tuesday night after work. Barbara was over to help with the bird and preparations and we ate when I got home from work. It was a good time. It was also the day before Darilyn had to go for her last chemo treatment. She did treatment number 6 on Wednesday, Nov 26, 2008. Things are now into the recovery cycle from the chemo. Tonight she is very tired and has gone to bed to rest. She has taken the meds required for the treatment. We will now monitor things very closely. I only have to work 4 hours tomorrow afternoon and she is off duty for the next week. Nothing strenuous, thank goodness. I am so glad we have gotten to this place.

I have received notice that there may be a position opening in Atlanta in January. They wish to have me talk to the client company to see if they will ok me on the project. For whatever reason they want. We can use the money. And I can use the change from the life of a retail cashier if it is possible. Working at Wal-Mart is not a lot of fun, but it is a job. And they are a little scarce these days. I would love to be able to unretire if possible. That was not my best move but it seems it was part of the plan so that I can care for my lady. I wish things would open up, somehow, in California again. That was the best place so far.

It is getting late and I need to call it a day, but I wanted to post tonight. I have been a little down about life lately, but somehow things are starting to look a little better.

Adieu

Sunday, 23 November

Nothing much today. My lady and I went for a drive along the beach to enjoy the sunshine. It is not so hard to do with the price of gasoline at 1.71 a gallon. She was enjoying cooking today and made some excellent meals although her taster is still not back to normal. Not me, her tongue.

We spent the afternoon just chillin!!! We played on the computers and just had a quiet afternoon. I started a fire in the fireplace to enjoy the ambience. It has been a good day.

Just Me

Here I go again.

I am starting to see where this can be great therapy. It has been a trying time for the last few days and writing here seems to give me a chance to release some of the angst. Darilyn is still in the recovery cycle from the latest valley. She is weak. She has not really eaten in the last 3 days. We have managed to maintain fluid intake and some caloric intake but nothing solid as it is very difficult to swallow. So soft foods and liquid nutrients have been the order of the day. But we are coming out of it.

I can write about her and some of what I feel when it concerns her. But why is it I can not touch on other feeling that I have running through my mind? I have spent my entire life denying that there are other things that go on in my mind and person because I do not think they are important enough that anyone would want to know about them. I have always felt that I am not important in the scheme of things and I do not wish to impose myself on anyone. This has been my life's mantra I guess. And there is not really a big chance that I will ever change it.

Who am I? I wonder. Who is this old man? What have I done with my life that will ever justify the existence I have had? Does it really matter? Maybe these are questions that others have asked themselves and maybe they have found their answers. Maybe I will find mine someday.

I have a memory that has been haunting me lately. I have thought about what I believe in life and one of the the main things I have concluded is the law of family. Now this is a series of three basic laws that I stole from a greater man, Isacc Asimov. I modified the basic structure of his 3 laws of robotics to conform to my needed 3 laws of family. Here they are, maybe again.

1. Take care of your family. It is the most important thing in your existence. Allow nothing to harm the family, no matter what you must do insure the survival and protection of the family.

2. Take care of the individual members of your family, as long as it does not bring or cause harm to the entire family. Be there for them and provide for them whatever you can anytime they need it. It is up to each member of the family to provide for all of the others and to protect them at all times.

3. Take care of yourself as long as it does not interfere with laws 1 and 2. All others are your primary concern and you should only worry about yourself when all the others are provided for and protected.

Now this may look like a strange philosophy and it probably is a little off center, but it has always been the way I have seen life. And it is only recently that I began to understand what started it. I do not think this is something that I got from dad, but he was somewhat this way as well. I believe it started with a book I read when I was about 15 years of age. I did not remember much about it other than the story. I did not know the author or the name of the characters or the name of the book. It was just a book that I read and enjoyed. But later in life I became interested in the books of Louis Lamour and much to my surprise I found that I was reading the story again. The name of the book was "Sackett". It was a major formative factor in my life. Mr Lamour wrote many books about the Sackett family over the course of his life and I have tried to read them all as they mean a great deal to me. They may show someone what I felt and what I wanted for my family if someone else should ever read them. And it may be why I am a cowboy who will never grow up.

So with that piece of nonsense out of my system, I say adios.

Updates + two

Here I am again to relate how my lady is coming along with this battle. And it is that for sure. She did not have the best of nights being unable to swallow very well, but it was handled. I was only scheduled to work 4 hours today and I did not have to go in until the afternoon. Then the phone rang this morning and the nurse from the oncologist had some news. The blood test results were in and not good. The white cell count was down to almost non-existant. Darilyn has effectively been grounded. She is not to go out because her immunce system is severely comprimised. She is to stay home all weekend. They prescribed amoxcillin antibiotic to help to fight any potential infection. And if her temp gets to 100.5, I am to contact them immediately. She is also set for another blood test early monday morning.

Tonight, she is doing better. She has been in bed all day resting. She has very little appetite but she is getting her liquids. The yeast infection seems to be coming under control. She is resting now for the night. I am doing the best I can to keep the house in order and meals made. And I find I am not too bad at the routine. The things I learned as a teen have come back to me so they tasks are not foreign. I can do a decent job when I set myself to doing it.

Darilyn's daughter Barbara has been a great help as well. She lives here in the city and is quite close to us. She does all she can to take care of her mother. They are very close. she has been a comfort to me as well. The closest thing to family that I have around here. Not blood, but family. Actually closer than some blood relatives by their choices. Not my girls by the way. Or my siblings. I love you all.

There are times when I am away from the keyboard that I think of a lot of things that I would like to spend time exploring in this blog. But then I sit down at the keyboard and I can not seem to remember them. I am going to have to find a way of reminding myself about them.

Enough for now. Good evening.

Updates, next day

Today was not a really good day either. My lady did not go to work as she was feeling poorly. Very poorly. She can hardly speak from a sore throat. And a fever of 100.3. So it was time to visit the doctor again. I stayed home as I knew she needed assistance. I took her this afternoon and the diagnosis was a yeast infection in the mouth and throat. Not an uncommon occurrence it seems for chemotherapy patients. She had such a bad throat that she could not swallow so henceforth, low on liquids in her body. It was also causing a very elevated blood pressure. 166/112. She could not take her meds to day and that had added to the problem. She was also unable to take antibiotics orally because of difficulty swallowing. Solution: IV to replenish liquids and possibly a source for antibiotics. Did not ask. Prescriptions provided to fight the yeast and something they call miracle mouth wash. It is a formulation that allows for healing of the pain and provides pain relieve and is used multiple times a day. Now she is resting and I hope it lets her get better. I had to crush the yeast med and suspend it in a glass of water, at the doctors suggestion.

Thanks TT for your message. It truly helps to know that you all are there. And to Maureen, I thank you as well. I was not aware of your looking in.

Santini, pass on something to your dear spouse from this old man. Thank you. He is a vet as well. I have sent my thank you to our little brother so I must acknowledge another of the family who has been there to give us the freedom we have.

Later

Updates

I guess it is time to bring us all up to date.

Darilyn had treatment number 5 last thursday, 11/6. She is sick this week. She is the worst I have seen so far. A week after the last treatment, back in October, it kind of hit the fan. The mail order pharmacy that is contracted by the insurance company had fallen down on the job. Because of the anemia, she was to receive Procrit to self inject to cause her body to create more red blood cells. Well, they did not do it. They did not even acknowledge that she was trying to contact them about the need to fill the prescription from her oncologist. They had not supplied the other injectable medication that she requires to cause her system to begin making white cells again. I came home on thursday night from work and found her in bed looking bad with a fever. This was the 3rd day with the fever. She had to go in on friday to have a blood test so I called in sick to work and stayed home to care for her. The nurse said that she would take the blood to the lab herself and we went home. About an hour later, the nurse called and told me that Darilyn was severely anemic and needed an immediate blood transfusion. Well that kind of let it all hit the fan. I took her down the cancer center at the hospital and we got it all set up and then spent the afternood receiving 2 units of blood. I took her home and put her to bed.

The next day, she was feeling better and she got in touch with the pharmacy via email. They got back to her by phone when she informed them in the email she was tired of them messing around with her life. They were supposed to call monday morning bright and early. They did not. She sent another email and later that morning stopped in at work and let the insurance coordinator in on what was happening. Blue Cross called her that afternoon. The pharmacy called her that afternoon, after Blue Cross got in touch with them. The meds showed up the next day. She was tired and week for a few days but got stronger.

This time, it has been a week since the treatment and she is very tired and weak. She is not running a fever but she is not well. She gets up and goes to work because that is the way she is, but she comes home half way through the day. She is in bed again tonight and I am getting so tired of seeing her this way and not having anything I can do. I hope she will start feeling better. There is only one treatment left and then this is over. But damn it this is not right.

Well, there it is. The update for such as it is.

Another October day

It is tuesday, October 21. It has been 5 days since the 4th chemo treatment and all is going as usual. Yesterday was the roughest for Darilyn as it always is on the 3rd day after the "nuelasta" shot that she gets to stimulate white blood cell production. It always kicks her butt but we now know what to expect. When she talked to the oncologist on thursday before the treatment, he said that she is doing very well. She is really only going through the lesser extents of the reactions that can happen from the medicines. All indications are that she is doing very well. She is a little anemic but who wouldn't be when you have all that poison put into your body to defeat the cancer cells. They are doing a blood test to determine if there is the presence of any antigens that can be released from different types of cancer cells. This is supposed to tell them something about the status of the cancer in her body. She will be getting a weekly shot of Procrit to help build up the red blood cells and fight the anemia.

She has lost most of her hair but with 7 wigs of different colors and styles, she is having a great time. There is an auburn one that is just her. The color is so great with her complexion and her eyes that it should be the color she gets from her hairdresser from now on. I vote for it.

I spent a few hours with Wade, his wife Kim, and his daughter Beatrice a short time ago. We went to the Gulfarium here in Fort Walton Beach. It is an interesting place to view some dolphins, sea lions, giant turtles and a few other forms of aquatic life. It was good to spend some time with my youngest grand daughter. I would also wish to spend a little time with my oldest granddaughter if I can ever get her to come visit. It has been too many years Erin. Bumpa would like to see you again as a young lady. I love you girl.

Nik, maybe you can send her a link to my blog so she can check in on the old man once in a while.

I am doing ok. I hope that things will break for me so that I may be able to unretire. I could use the money.

Well, it is going on 10:30 and I have to be at Wally World in the morning so I will bid you all adieu and go to bed.

Adieu

October 4

I know. The title is not really imaginative.

Here I sit on a saturday evening. My sweet wife is visiting with her brother and her daughter right now and I am here watching. I see she is happy and I am glad. She has had a tough week. She has had her third treatment and it is different this time. Each time is different. Her white cell count is down again this time. That is another bad thing about this time. She is going to make it. I know that. But she has days that are not good. She has had difficulty eating this week. Her system will not process food. It goes straight through. But today, it seems that maybe we have gotten past that. I sure hope so. She also had a session where she was very despondent and needed to be reassured that all will be ok. IT will be OK. And I held her and told her. I sure hope she felt better.

On top of everything else, my meds needed to be changed as well. Two weeks ago, I woke up with a pain in my left chest unlike anything else I had experienced. I went to the ER and they checked me out. I did not have a heart attack and there was no indication of any heart damage so I got to go home. I saw my cardiologist 2 days later and that is where my meds got changed. But something has changed. I now have more prevelant angina. Mostly mild, but still I have it now where I did not have it very often before. I keep my nitroglycerin prescription handy as I may need it now. I am tired more often than before also. But I am still working my usual schedule. There is the need for the money and that never ceases. There is a chance of a contract job opening up in Atlanta soon. I hope it comes about because it would provide a great deal of help.

I guess I am running on a bit. There is a lot that I have not been able to admit that was on my mind and sometimes I get it out here. Then I can deal with it. So, dear blog, thank you for allowing me to use you as a release.

Enough for now.

To Santini Le Fratelli, a challenge

Darilyn had her second chemo treatment yesterday. It is better this time as we have some idea what is coming. She is tired tonight, after working 10 hours, but that is a good thing. She is fighting. She has lost most of her hair now and does not want anyone to see it as she is very self concious about it. But she has 4 very beautiful wigs that are perfect. So where is the challenge? Well here it is dear family.

I watched a program on the network TV called Standup2cancer. It touched me deeply. My challenge dear sibs is to get involved and donate to them. As they said, there are 10,000 people who die every week from cancer and it is up to us, individual americans, to beat it. Many have survived, but many have not. My love may be one of those but I doubt it. But the statistical possibility is always there. So lets do our part to try to put an end to this war. We lose 500,000 americans every year in this war. WHY???? Go to standup2cancer.org and find out what you can do.

After Chemo

Darilyn had her first chemo therapy on tuesday morning. She is taking 3 different drugs as well as 3 others to make her feel better while going through hell. She is taking something to help her white blood cells regenerate while fighting the chemo.

That is the chemical regimen. She is tired. She is sick. She feels like crap. And I hate it. I REALLY HATE IT. But this is what we have to do to defeat the cancer, if it can be defeated. There I said it. There are no garauntees and I could still lose this wonderful lady. And it scares the hell out of me but I won't tell her that. Not ever. I will be here for her as best I can and I just hope it is good enough. I am getting to be an old man and I can feel my body not being as strong as it once was. I have problems that could take me any time but it is not in my plan to leave her alone. But what if something happens? Who will be there for her? She needs to get thru this and I will give everything I am and have to see that she gets the chance.

Enough said.

Thursday, 7/31

Another milestone. The PET scan that I mentioned has been approved by the insurance company. Maybe we will get a better handle on what the status of the cancer is at this time. Also, Darilyn has an appointment with the oncologist on this coming Monday. I will make that one no matter what. I need to know what is going on and what prognosis there is for all of what has been happening. Thanks Nik for your words today. I really needed them. I sometimes feel that I am so alone when I also know that I am not. I have tried to spend my life with out asking much from anyone. I have not always succeeded and my siblings have been there for me so many times. I know you guys still are praying for us and I thank you all. I thank you.

Feelings

Tonight I want to write about what I am feeling. I am beginning, I think, to understand where dad was in 1955 and before. Someone who I love unreservedly is going through cancer. I am trying not to show the concern and anguish that is in my very being. I am trying to be brave and supportive. And I WILL be supportive!!!!!! But there is still anger. There is frustration. There is anguish. There is fear, fear of loss, fear of watching her do all the hard stuff while all I can do is watch. I am so damned mad. Someone I work with today said that I should believe that it will all be ok. To maintain a positive attitude. As I thought about it, I started to wonder what she really knew about life. It just does not work that way does it. I will be positive and I will be sure of everything getting better. But only because I want to and I need to. To have someone who has never had there dreams handed to them DOA should not try to tell me what I have to do. And there is always the niggling thought that it could, just possibly, not all work out. I don't want to think about it, but it is always one of the possible outcomes. And that scares the hell out of me. I will work past it and I will not let it stop me, but it is one of the paths that the logic of the situation must include. I guess I have drawn too many flow charts of problems in the past. I always have to think of all the possibilities. Damn.

OK. Time to go again. See ya later agitator.

Bad News

Yeah, the title says it all.

The results are in from the biopsy. The lymph nodes tested positive for cancer. My initial reactions were quite emotional. Right now I am more numb. We have not talked to a doctor about this yet directly. So we do not totally know the options but more chemo than we had previously figured is definite. There is a full body scan to determine if there are any other locations. I guess that is going to be part of the ongoing saga. Oh Joy.

My lady and I have talked and the only thing we can do is go forward. I will be with her through out what ever is going to come and by her side for the rest of the time we have to be together. I guess I had better find a job near home. There is no other choice.

But damn it, it hurts. I can't do anything other than be support! I can't fix it!!! I Need To FIX IT!!! Dear lord take care of my lady, Please.

August is coming

Well I needed a title. So deal with it.

It has been some time since I last sat down to write in this arena. A lot has happened and I have been burying myself in it so that I could get it done. We are still fighting the battle of cancer. Darilyn is going to have to go through chemotherapy. The only question is how much. The onconlogist discovered a lump on her neck in the lymph glands. The powers that be, whoever they might be, took forever to get anything scheduled. So on thursday morning, we went back to the local hospital and they inserted a mediport in her upper left chest for the introduction of chemo drugs as they say it is very hard on the veins. Oh Joy!!!! At the same time, the surgeon did a biopsy of the lymph glands in the neck, the ones where the lump exists. And again the news is not really great. He said that there were several lymph glands that were hard and stuck together. Not what they wanted to see. He took a sample and it was sent to the labs for complete processing. He will see Darilyn, and me if I can wangle time away from wally world to be with her on 6 August.

As maybe you can surmise, I am a bit angry about this whole thing. There is a procedure called a PET scan I think that the surgeon said someone should have done by now. It is 3 months since the mastectomy and they are just now getting to get things set up for chemo. WHY???? Why cant they do something??? Why does she have to hurt???? Oh lord WHY???

And to top things off, I will probably begin to go back to work. The financial picture is not real good, but it is survivable. I have been through worse and we will make it. The part that gets to me is that I will have to be away from her when she is going through this stuff. I want to wrap her is a soft woolen blanket and hold her so that she is safe. I want her to be better. I love her. She is my life.

The Saga Continues

It has been over 3 weeks since Darilyn had surgery. All is going according the game plan that we were given. The plastic surgeon has begun the process of expanding the right side so that they will be able to insert an implant. The left side has been healing very nicely.

The only problem has been that my lady has not quite come to terms with the necessary down time for healing. They say that whenever the body is cut for surgery, it is a major systemic trauma. And your body takes all of the resources that it can to cause it to heal. Darilyn is finding out that this is very tiring. She wants to be able to do everything she did before surgery but is finding that she has to take naps. And she never took naps before. This causes her to be frustrated about things. She has gone back to work. As she works at a desk job, she is only working half days at this time. Fortunately the sheriff's department is very much a large family and they are doing their best to take care of her as well. She has many, many friends as well. The support system has become enormous. Thank you lord.

Now she has to see an oncologist. This is said to be just the course that has to be followed. He will determine if there is any need for further types of treatment. This will happen this week. As I said, The Saga Continues. But we will be standing at the end!!!!!!

Friday after surgery

Well, we have been home for two days since surgery.

The doctors kept Darilyn overnight after the procedures so she came home Wednesday afternoon. Her friends from work stopped by to check on her and her step daughter from Ft Walton stopped over as well. With Barbara here, we had quite a housefull. I took our 2 dogs out to be boarded for a few days until we can get some semblance of order into the daily routine. Cindy, Darilyn's best friend, made dinner for us. It was great. Put my lady to bed and we spent the first night. She was up once during the night and when I got up in the morning, she was sleeping in a recliner in the living room. It was more comfortable. I know the feeling well. I spent the first month after heart surgery sleeping in a recliner.

Thursday was a day of getting things in order and checking on how she was doing. There were flowers from a number of places, including Wal-Mart. She was tired and we moved her into the spare room because the bed is lower and easier for her to navigate. She slept fitfully. Fed her lunch and dinner but she did not have much of an appetite. I fell asleep in the recliner and she woke me at 11 as she was up to take some meds. I helped her and then went to sleep. I woke up around 3 and she was in bed when I checked her.

As we had to go to see the plastic surgeon this morn, I set the alarm for 6. When I finally got up, I walked out into the kitchen and found her sleeping in a kitchen chair, sitting up. She looked very groggy. I got her moved to the recliner and let her sleep for about and hour. Got ready to go to the doctor and went. The doctor checked the incisions and pronounced them good. She removed one of the two drains in place from the surgery. Things are looking better now. Fed her when we got home and put her back to bed for now. She needs to sleep and get stronger. But all is looking much better than I had imagined it would. Thank you lord for watching out for my lady and thank you to all who have been praying for her and a quick recovery.

Tom

Hooray

The surgery is over and that is the reason for the title. The procedure was that they would remove the breast and then he would remove a lymph gland and have a frozen section taken. If there was cancer in the section than the next one would be removed and checked until one was found without sign of cancer. Well, that is what he did and guess what? NOTHING found in the first, the best of all possible answers. Darilyn then spent the next four hours under the control of the plastic surgeon who was to reconstruct the breast and reduce the other. Oh, this surgeon is the best in the area. They say her work is art. I will be the judge of that eventually, but for now I will give her the benefit of the advertising by others.

Darilyn was admitted and spent the night at the hospital. I got over there at about 9 this morning and she was bright eyed and bushy tailed. Tired and such, but ready to go home. The doctors agreed and we left after lunch. We got home and got her settled in. Friends and family came over this PM. Darilyn's girl friend from work wanted to make dinner for us and it was great. After that, Darilyn laid down and she is sleeping right now. All is good with the world. Just have to get her healed and then it will all be back to normal. So that is the status of the day.

Waiting

The title says it. We are waiting. The surgery will be done tuesday. It is hard to believe but it is outpatient surgery, or so it seems. How things have changed. I have taken two weeks off from working at wally world to stay home and care for Darilyn.

The last few days have been very good. There has been emotional release, but mostly because it seems to take forever to get on with the surgery. We are asking why do we have to wait so long? A friend who did this 6 years ago has been of great help and solace, for both of us. I must admit to frustration and worry about what could happen if things go the wrong way. I have this picture of myself that says I am always in control and able to handle everything that comes my way. Yeah. Right. Lo and behold, I am human. I will be spending the day waiting for my lady to come out of surgery and to find out if I will be taking her home or if she stays overnight.

We have had a great few days together. We have tried to live everyday to the fullest and it is a good feeling. Now we need to live the rest of our lives that way.

Time again

Well, we now have a date when Darilyn will go in for surgery. It is May 6. The oncologist will remove the right breast and some lymph nodes to check to see if there has been any spread there. The MRI she had showed that there is nothing in the left side and there really has been no spread beyond the immediate area. So the prognosis is good. After that is done, the plastic surgeon will begin the reconstruction of the breast using muscle and tissue from her abdomen. So there will be a tummy tuck in the process!!!! The surgeon will also finish the process of breast reduction which was the original plan that turned up the cancer. Thank good for small favors!! A device of some type will be inserted in the right side that will be increased in size weekly by injections of saline solution until enough space has been created in about 6 weeks so that an implant can be inserted. This is the plan. She will be at home for a while. I have taken time off from Wal-Mart to take care of her. I have only been allowed 2 weeks of this by my lady. We will see. She wants to get back to work as soon as she is ready. More power to her. It gives her something to fight for and a goal to focus on while recovering.

How is she taking it? She is meeting it head on and with a "stiff upper lip". But all is not always rosy. Tonight she dissolved into tears for the first time. She is afraid and who would not be. I am. But we will still be standing when this is done.

Sunday PM

Time for another cut at this thing.

It has been an almost perfect day here in Pensacola. The sky was clear blue and sunny. The temp was upper 60's. Eat your heart out. Darilyn and I went for a long ride in the country and enjoyed the day immensely. We are taking as much time as we can to enjoy each and every day. Friday night we went to the auto races here. I have not done much of this in the past, but I will be doing it more from now on. The son of one of Darilyn's stepdaughters is racing his own car on a dirt track not to far away and we will go and support him. It should be a blast.

Baseball will be starting here in May. We have an American Association team here in Pensacola. They are not real great but who cares. They are our boys. We have watched them for the last couple of years. Now that the hockey season is over, we need something to do. Oh, we have a professional hockey team here as well. They are a farm team for the Blackhawks. And as we are in the south, there is always football around in the fall.

All else is going forward. We have some idea about what is going to happen with the surgery but more will be learned from pr-op visits to the doctors. No idea if chemo or radiation is going to be needed yet.

On another note, I have been thinking about a lot of things and pondering the imponderables. During some of my ruminations (is that the word??) it came to me that my dear sister Santini reminds me very strongly of our mother. Her ways and reactions to things are the image that I have when I think of mom. Maybe it is something genetic, but whatever it is, I felt it as my duty being the eldest and holder of the longest memory to bring it to light. (Yeah right)

Enough for now.

Finally, a date has been set.

As the title says, a date has been finally set for the procedure. May 6, 2008. The results of the MRI have been processed and there is no cancer in the left breast. The right side has to go. We report to the hospital at 0630 on May 6.

After hearing this, I went to work and began the process of getting time off to be with Darilyn. I found that I had anger and fear building in me during the process of my day. When I finally was able to figure out what was happening, it became quite evident that I was confronting the reality of what is going to be happening. And coming to grips with the reality that there is a chance, albeit very small, that I could lose my darling wife. And it was very frightening. I have gotten past the fear but the reality is still there and always will be. But this will not be the reason. NOT THIS TIME. And this will not beat me. Not now that I know what has tried to bite me in the backside.

As a very good man once told me, the one who wins is the one who is still standing at the end. And I am still standing up for us, Darilyn and I.

Monday, April 7

Now is the time to do another posting. We have no news on the medical front at this time. The oncologist is looking at the MRI data and we hope he is attempting to get something schedule, SOON. Darilyn has opted for the mastectomy on the right side. They will also take some lymph nodes to check them. She will immediately begin a reconstruction by the plastic surgeon and we go from there. There are some trying times and times of quiet fear. Life has the appearance of normality but how normal can it be with this in our heads. Oh, we will beat it. That is a given in my computations and with Darilyn as well. Just let us get at it. Why do we have to sit on our hands and wait for some other entities to make things happen???? WHY CANT THE WORLD SEE THAT IT IS IMPORTANT TO GET IT DONE!!!!!!

Sorry about the shouting. TT, have you heard from my eldest? She was looking for contact info so that her offspring could get to visit at St. Olaf this coming weekend. Would be nice to have some of my descendents back in the home area for a time.

We have found a YouTube video that is absolutely hilarious. A ventriloquist named Jeff Dunham has a series of pieces that has been saved and posted. We love the one about Achmed, the Dead Terrorist. We laughed until we cried. But we have always been a touch wierd.

Carl P. I just looked at your latest. I also noted from the images posted that you have a very strong resemblance to our dad. I like it. But that is just me. Oh, by the way - DONT TAKE SO LONG TO POST AGAIN!!!! Just kidding. ;o)

More information

I have had some time to sit and compose myself since the last posting. Darilyn has dealt with the situation with the doctor and there are some preliminary plans in place as a course of action. The cancer surgeon, I guess they call themselves oncologists these days, will perform a mastectomy. But before that they require an MRI and chest x-ray. And they must co-ordinate with the hospital and the plastic surgeon to get all schedules in synch. When the cancer has been removed, the plastic surgeon will immediately begin reconstruction of the removed breast and reduction of the other to make them alike. This is where the whole procedure started, with a breast reduction. It had been approved by the insurance as a medical necessity. 3 years ago it had been denied by an insurance company. It was not supposed to happen then. The good lord needed to have us wait so that this could be taken care of now.

When it is all over and she can come home, she will rest and recuperate here. She has clearance from work to take all the time she needs. She has quite a backlog of personal time available so it will not be a problem. I will take what time is needed to be with her as I can, but I will continue to frequent wally world. When it is all over, maybe I will go back to doing contract work. That is if there is any available.

She is my world. As I told Santini in an email, most of my life I felt alone. I did not know it, but there seemed to be something missing and I thought it was the way things were supposed to be. Then I found her. I remember vividly returning home after our first meeting. I had my good buddy, a portugese water dog called Cody, with me and I told him that I could love her. For the first time in my life I had some idea what it meant to feel whole. I told Darilyn that we must have been lovers in a past life or lives. That we were soul mates that would always find the other in another life. Who knows if this is true, but it sure felt like it must be. She will always be with me as long as I live now that I have found her and have her love. We will confront this speed bump on the road of life and we will pervail. No matter what happens, we are.

Now I am not alone anymore. I have Darilyn and I have found my family again. Thank you all.

Decision day

Well, today we got the information we had been waiting for. The tests are that the biopsy tested positive for cancer. Now on to the next step. Surgery is the next step with reconstructive surgery after. We have a battle but we will win. More later when I know more.

Another Wednesday 3/26

Here it is wednesday evening. I have just had a fantastic dinner after coming home from Wally World. I am spending a pleasant evening with my sweet lady. Tomorrow we find out the results of the biopsy but whatever they are, they will be dealt with in the appropriate manner. It has been a good day. A little tired, but good. I have received more pics of a grand daughter. This time it is the next to the youngest, Laurie. Nik has sent them to me. I love getting these pictures of the least of the generation. There are a number of grand daughters that I have not heard from or about in forever. I miss them.

Any way, here is the pic. It seems we have another ball player in the family.

Easter Sunday

Good evening all. It has been a fine day in Pensacola all in all. It was in the 70's and sunny. I finished mowing the front lawn today and find that I am not in very good shape. It is much harder than it used to be. But it must be done. I did some small amount of house work as well as I had the day off. I got up this morning to find that my dear lady had made an Easter basket for me and leftit on the table when she went to work at 5:30 this AM. I went out this PM and got the makings for Easter dinner for two and got her an Easter Lily. Just because it was pretty and she needs pretty things. Made dinner for her and had a lovely evening. Just us older folk. Happy Easter to all of you as well.

Oh, by the way, I thought I should add a picture of a fine young lady to my blog. Meet my youngest grand-daughter Bea. Her mother sent me a picture, as she quite often does, and I felt it appropriate to post it for all the world to see. She is the child of my son Wade and his lovely wife Kim. Thanks Kim.

Holy Saturday

Here it is saturday before Easter. I am sitting and thinking and decided I should blog. Is that a properly constructed sentence? Who really cares! I need to do this it seems. I was told by a very smart man that it is good therapy. And I seem to be in need of that right now. All is going well but there are always little bumps in the road. And we have some waiting to do before we know the results of the biopsy. Waiting is always the hardest part of getting on with life. It seems that we are always waiting for something. When we know what we have to face, then we will deal with it.

I just finished re-watching Forrest Gump. That movie has always made me think that maybe he really had the right of it. For someone who was supposed to be "stupid", he really knew what needed to be done and that is not a bad thing at all. Maybe we should have more of that in this world. Less of the people who are looking to have control of what others do because it makes them feel as if they are better. Isn't it just trying to make up for something that is lacking in them? Something that was left out when the good lord put them together? Maybe so. Why can't we see that? Why do we have to make things so hard? I doubt there are any answers for my questions that would make any simple sense and if you would like to know, I don't really care.

I am seriously entertaining the possibility of unretiring, if that is a word. I have been approached by a couple of people to possibly help them out with there computer problems and projects. I will probably do it if they ever get around to making a decision.

Enough for now.

News from the south

It has been too many days since my last post. I could claim hardship and mental distress, but for those of you who know me, that would not be a good excuse. Mental distress requires mental capability. Enuf said?

Today, my darling lady was subjected to the knife. A surgeon finally stepped up to the table and we got the dreaded biopsy finished. I do not understand why it took so long, but it is over. Now we must wait for the results and they say it will be a week. But that is no longer a problem. We have huddled together and worked it all out for us. We will do whatever it takes and we will deal with any problem or situation that may arise. As we always have, together. MY LADY RULES. She has the intestinal fortitude of a Roman Legion. And the strength. Whatever comes, we will face and handle as best we can and do it together.

On another note

It seems that the time has come for posting other information. There have been some goings on in my daily life that have taken on a very high degree of importance. Today, my darling wife was to go to see a local doctor about having some elective surgery performed to reduce the size of her bounteous bosom. But there were tests to be run, including a mammagram. She had had one done a couple of days ago, but the radiologist desired another look. Well, things seem to be not all good in the land as they now are going to do a biopsy on 3/5. This is not always good to hear and it is definitely nerve wracking. But it will be done as always when it is what must be done. She and I have come to the conclusion that we will face whatever comes. I can do nothing else. She is my partner and best friend. And, as I have told her repeatedly in the last 10 years, there is nothing that the two of us cannot overcome together. So, I had to tell all about it as a means, I guess, for her to find all of the support and love that she deserves. It is not a new story for me. Nor for my older sibs. This is where the story of Lillie came to an end so many years ago. BUT NOT THIS TIME. We will perservere.

And again more memories

It is a saturday morning here in sunny Florida. I have been a little under the weather but recovering very nicely. Just a bad cough and cold or something. Saw the doctor for some antibiotics and all is getting better. Except for the sore ribs from coughing. But it has kept me from posting the memorys. I have a couple more that may be of interest, so here they are.

I remember sitting for hours at the feet of our father and grandfather as well as assorted others over the years in the yard of Dick's ranch while the spun there stories and probably tall tales. I believe I was witness to one of the oldest forms of history, the oral historys and tales that were part of our family. I do not know if I can even remember a small portion of the content of those hours. But will always remember the time spent and the enjoyment I received listening to those older men talk. They told stories about hunting, baseball, and just general goings on in the community. Some of my memories come from there, but others from different times.

I have been asked and it has been postulated by others that Tom was a baseball player. Yes, he was. At least according to him and as I had heard no one else deny it, it must be true. He came from a family that played a lot of baseball. His brother Charles and he did play on the same team according to one of the stories. Tom may have been a pitcher at one time, but the one story I definitely remember was when Charles was pitching and Tom was the catcher. He was a great believer in use of psychology and prevention being the better than a cure. So, as I remember the tale, he had only one good throw to second from the catcher's position. Supposedly he had a sore arm for some reason. But anyway, when it came time to make the throw to second after the warm up pitches, he would make the throw from the catcher's crouch behind the plate. The second baseman would put his glove on the bag and Tom would hit it dead on from the crouch. Now wouldn't that make you think twice about trying to steal second?

There is also the story about stealing home plate. Now I have investigated this one because it does require a knowledge of the rules of the game. I was an umpire for a season and at the time, I read the rule book to determine if this was possible. And, dear readers, it is. The way it would work was when a runner got third base, and the score was close or tied, or when it was advantageous to get one run, the procedure was as follows. The runner, as I heard it being Charles Miller, would take a good lead off third. This was always something that we were taught to do. Give the pitcher something to think about besides pitching. But never get farther than two steps and the length of your body away from the bag. Anyway, there was a special sign for this maneuver. I don't know what it was, but trust me, there had to be one. The batter would also have a part in the play. He would take a wide stance at the plate. And as the pitcher was getting ready, the runner would break for the plate at full speed, hollering at the top of his lungs when about half way done the line. He would then slide into home plate between the batters legs. This would cause the pitcher to throw to the plate rather than balking and the catcher to come out to get the ball. This was the beauty of the play. The batter would not move as according to the rules of the game, he has a right to swing at the pitch. So he does. Not hard, but just hard enough to tick the catcher who is coming out to catch the runner. This constitutes obstruction to the batter and awards the batter first base and the run scores between the batters legs. Now this may be a little bush league, but it is strickly legal according the strict adherence to the rules of the game. And it is something I learned from Tom.

It also seems that during the 1930's, when the Pittsburgh Pirates were world champions, some of the players of that team would vacation in the Burnett county area after the season was over. At least that is what I have been told. And being true sportsman and loving the game, they would become involved in pickup games with some of the local lads, Tom being one of the locals. This is how it came to be that he played on the same field as Pie Traynor and Burleigh Grimes, the reputed last of the great spit-ball pitchers. It must have been a good game because I was told that Tom was offered a chance to play minor league ball for the Pirates. But he turned it down because he could make better money doing whatever it was that he was doing at the time.

More memories

After yesterdays posting, I got to thinking more about what I remembered. And I started to write it down in the form of stories that I had heard. These are going to be disjointed, but somehow I find that I am having fun doing it. I hope you all enjoy. Here is what I have written in the last 36 hours.


Who was this man, Thomas Eugene Miller?

To some of us, he was our father. To others, he was grandpa, or uncle, or just a good friend. To some he was brother. He was born on January 26, 1909 in Gaslyn Wisconsin to George and Melissa Miller. He was the third son of that union.

He grew up as a son of a farmer in a farm community in northwestern Wisconsin in the first quarter of the twentieth century. He was a lean, whipcord man with a ready whit and faded blue eyes. He never weighed more than 160 pounds in his entire life and he was proud to tell you that he was 5 feet 10 inches in height. Now, what I am going to tell you are the memories of one man who was his son. I am only attempting to recite those things that I heard from and about him during the years that he and I were alive together. And there are other things that I have been fortunate enough to learn from others in the years since his passing. I loved the man so there may be a tendancy to elaborate and embellish but only because he deserves it.

There is the story of Dutch. Dutch was a german shepard dog that was obtained by the family while Tom was a young man at home. The pup was less than a year in age when he came to live with the Millers, but he was unruly to say the least. They had gotten him on the premise that they had to break him or kill him. That sounds rough. But that was the way of things in the rural communities. The animal was to be a watch dog for the home and there was a need to have a strong willed protector. Anyway, as the story was told to me, Tom was out working on the farm setting fence posts. This being a thing that needed to be done to maintain the safety of the livestock. Dutch was not the least bit happy about being tied out and not allowed to roam and have fun like any good young male dog is wont to do. Tom went over to where he was to attempt to quiet the dog. As he went, he carried a length of timber that he was using to tamp the dirt around the fence posts that were being set. When he got to where Dutch was tied, he discovered that he had made a slight miscalculation. Somehow he had gotten between the dog and the tree to which he was chained. Now remember, Dutch was somewhat ill-tempered at being tied. So he did what any animal of this temperement would do. He attacked. He went for Tom with blood in his eye and his eye on Tom's throat. Tom did the only thing he could do, he defended himself and his life. He swung the tamping stick like a baseball bat, catching Dutch in the ribs. Now Tom had played a lot of baseball in his life and knew how to swing a bat. Anyway,
Dutch went down in a heap, rolling back to his feet and immediately back to the attack. As he lept at Tom again, the procedure was repeated and it was another ground ball as the dog rolled away. Dutch was not done yet. He again went for Tom and Tom swung again with the same result. This time things changed. Dutch crawled to Tom's feet and licked his shoes. He was beat and he had found his master. He acknowledged that then and there. From that day until the day that he died, there was never a time when he did not act as protector for the Miller home and family. There are many more stories of Dutch that Tom told over the years. And I will try to record them all as I tell the story of Tom.

Why not another one now as I think of it.

Tom had a nephew, George, the son of his oldest brother George who was called Bob. Because of a divorce, young George was being raised by his paternal grandmother as his father had obtained custody, another story for a different time and place. Anyway, Tom was acting more the role of father to young George and would for a long time. At the time of the story, George was a very young lad and Dutch was acting in the role of babysitter while George was outside playing. The family heard Dutch whining and idly wondered what was happening until it went on
long enough that Tom went out to see what was happening. When he went out the screen door of the farm house he saw George leading the complaining Dutch around the yard. The reason Dutch was complaining was that George had grabbed him by the tongue and used it as a leash. It seems that Dutch was panting as dogs are known to do and it fascinated the young lad. So, he grabbed the tongue and walked off. Dutch could have made the boy let go by closing his mouth on the hand, but he did not. Instead, he suffered the indignity of being led by the tongue rather than hurt the child. Good dog.

And another comes to mind.

Tom was working on a road crew as he lived at home. His father, George or as he was known, Fritz, was a county commissioner so his family was involved in the work as well. Tom had a friend whose name has been lost in the passage of time who stopped by every morning to give Tom a ride to the site where the days work was to be done. He had been doing this for 6 months according to the story I was told. He would have a cup of coffee and play with Dutch every day. They had become good friends. As the story goes he made a comment to Tom that he and Dutch were the best of buddies. Tom told him that it did not matter for if he were to give the command, the dog would obey. In the usual form of male bravado and machissmo, the friend laughed and said it would never happen. They were outside heading for the car to go to work. Tom decided to prove his point and quietly said "Get him Dutch" and found he had to react very quickly to call the big dog off as Dutch took off to do as he was told. Loyal dog and obedient to his master.

And there is one last one that comes to memory.

It seems that during these times, it was not uncommon for gypsies to come visiting the rural homes looking for anything that was not tied down to steal. The method, as I heard it, was for more than one gypsy to get out of the car. One would go the house to ask for directions and engage in small talk while the other would quickly look through the outbuildings for something of value that could be taken and used or sold. Well, one day this happened at the Miller homestead. Our grandmother Melissa was at home in the kitchen with only Dutch for company. When someone knocked at the door, she went to see who was there. Dutch went with her and as was his way when alone, he positioned himself between her and the door. He was not a small dog. According to the description I heard, he was table top high at the shoulders. But this day, Dutch did something unusual. He went out the screen door and disappeared around the corner. Grandmother shortly thereafter heard a shout coming from one of the sheds. She went out and found a man standing with one foot off the ground. That foot was in Dutch's mouth. And he was
growling. Grandmother ordered Dutch to let him go and then ordered them off of the place or she would set the dog on them. They left quickly. Smart dog.

What does this prove about Tom? I don't know if it proves anything other than he had a dog who acknowledged him totally as his master. And a dog that I feel he loved as well. I think that says something about a man that he had inspired that kind of love and loyalty.


Well dear sibs, that is the beginning and there will be more.

Memories

As I sit here at this keyboard this day, it comes to me that it is time to share memories as they need to be shared before there is no time to share them anymore. Not that I am being maudlin, but I just want to put them down as I have been hoarding them and I feel the need to let them out.

I wrote a lot in TT comments on the aniversary of dad's birthday. That is what has opened the log jam. Things like the statement that he used to use about having to sight on a fence post to see if something or someone was actually moving. It is an old farmers way of talking about things that were moving slowly. He talked of a team of horses pulling a stone sled. I dont remember why they had them but they did use them to train horses to pull a load. It was a wooden sled with a lot of rocks in it. I remember it around the Anderson place when I was young.

I remember the cooking things better than most I guess because cooking and baking were a special memory for me. It is something I got from mom. For some reason, she spent time teaching me kitchen things. And I love it to this day. She taught me to make cocoa from scratch. I baked cakes with her. That is why I know that a cup was a coffee cup and a teaspoon was the one we had on the table. The table spoon measure was the one that was used for soup and serving. Egg shells made for good coffee. And the coffee did not get good until the pot was half full of grounds. And never wash the coffee pot because it would spoil the flavor for at least a month.

I remember talks with dad after mom died. I was only 13 at the time and did not really understand much about what was being said at the time. But looking back from the years I have reached, I start to see some of what he was trying to say. He missed her terribly. He had taken off work to be with her at the end. He knew the end was near as the doctor had told him that she had a week or two and that the pain was going to be bad for her but she would be as sedated as possible. The doctor told him that he had only just begun to get to the early stages of morphine injections just before she died. Dad told me how he had been sleeping in the chair in the room with her and he heard her breathing change. How she had been fighting for air. She succumbed to pnuemonia at the end, what he said was called the sick persons friend. He talked about the love between a man and a woman to me a teenage boy and I did not then understand. I do now. But it took me almost another 5o years to do so. God, do I miss them both.

He told us after the funeral about the fact that twice before in his life he had seen families broken up when the mother had died and HE would not let that happen to his children. I never forgot that lesson. When the accident happened to my family and Laurie was killed and the rest of the family in the hospital, he asked me why I had not opted to have my children taken care of by others but insisted that I take them home and I told him that it was the lesson I had learned from him. He cried.

He always told me that anything that he and I could do together, he called it pulling in a double harness, would alway be something that would get finished. I never forgot that. I passed it on as the lesson that you do what ever you need to do to get the job done. And the job has always been family. That is the only job we have. The rest is details.

Dear sibs, there is one more lesson I learned. I don't know if you know this so I am going to pass it on. Dad told me that at the end of her life, mom did one of the hardest and bravest things possible. She knew she was dying. She could very easily have given into grief and sense of loss. That is the normal thing. She could have pulled us close and hung on to us in her final days. But she did not. She and he discussed it and she decided that we need to be turned to dad. He would be who was there with us after she had gone. So she did that. She turned us away, gently, to our father. It made the grieving easier and our subsequent lives easier. But not her end. For that I love her.

From our parents, I learned lessons that I have tried to formulate in my own way as 3 laws of family. Borrowing heavily on the great author Isaac Asimov, they go like this.

Law 1. Family comes first. Take care of your family in all things before all other things.

Law 2. Take care of the individual members of your family as long as it does not cause harm to the entire family.

Law 3. Take care of yourself as long as it does not interfere with the first 2 laws.

This to me means that as long as you do this, you should never have to worry about yourself as the others in the family will have done it for you. So on this basis I give you all, siblings and children, my love and my promise to live this way.

Happy New Year

It is the evening of January 1, 2008. I had to work this afternoon and so did Darilyn. After work, we went to her daughter Barbara's for a southern traditional dinner of greens and black-eyed peas. It is supposed to bring prosperity for the new year. I have no idea if it really works but it doesn't matter. It is just fun.

I went over to our new house this morning with a few things in the back of my little pickup and dropped them off. I returned to Navarre and got ready for work. Not a big day, but it was a good and fun day and I enjoyed being alive.

I hope it was all good for all of those who read this blog. May the good lord look down on you and smile on you all.