Yes, it is the day after. Darilyn has had a quiet day but she says she feels crappy. Not sick, but just not feeling good all over. This is the course of the chemo. It has been 2 days since the treatment and we are getting into the valley of suffering. The next couple of days are the ones that need to be watched. I can tell she does not feel well because her temper is short. Things bother that normally would not. I do my best to let them roll off and the mostly do.
I worked 4 hours today and it was the usual type of baloney. People. people. people. I can deal with them individually as acquaintances, but the customer aspect just irritates me. Oh well. I will survive.
Getting late and need to go to bed.
Adieu
Friday, November 28, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Thanksgiving Day
The day is pretty much over. We had to work today so we had our celebration tuesday night after work. Barbara was over to help with the bird and preparations and we ate when I got home from work. It was a good time. It was also the day before Darilyn had to go for her last chemo treatment. She did treatment number 6 on Wednesday, Nov 26, 2008. Things are now into the recovery cycle from the chemo. Tonight she is very tired and has gone to bed to rest. She has taken the meds required for the treatment. We will now monitor things very closely. I only have to work 4 hours tomorrow afternoon and she is off duty for the next week. Nothing strenuous, thank goodness. I am so glad we have gotten to this place.
I have received notice that there may be a position opening in Atlanta in January. They wish to have me talk to the client company to see if they will ok me on the project. For whatever reason they want. We can use the money. And I can use the change from the life of a retail cashier if it is possible. Working at Wal-Mart is not a lot of fun, but it is a job. And they are a little scarce these days. I would love to be able to unretire if possible. That was not my best move but it seems it was part of the plan so that I can care for my lady. I wish things would open up, somehow, in California again. That was the best place so far.
It is getting late and I need to call it a day, but I wanted to post tonight. I have been a little down about life lately, but somehow things are starting to look a little better.
Adieu
I have received notice that there may be a position opening in Atlanta in January. They wish to have me talk to the client company to see if they will ok me on the project. For whatever reason they want. We can use the money. And I can use the change from the life of a retail cashier if it is possible. Working at Wal-Mart is not a lot of fun, but it is a job. And they are a little scarce these days. I would love to be able to unretire if possible. That was not my best move but it seems it was part of the plan so that I can care for my lady. I wish things would open up, somehow, in California again. That was the best place so far.
It is getting late and I need to call it a day, but I wanted to post tonight. I have been a little down about life lately, but somehow things are starting to look a little better.
Adieu
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Sunday, 23 November
Nothing much today. My lady and I went for a drive along the beach to enjoy the sunshine. It is not so hard to do with the price of gasoline at 1.71 a gallon. She was enjoying cooking today and made some excellent meals although her taster is still not back to normal. Not me, her tongue.
We spent the afternoon just chillin!!! We played on the computers and just had a quiet afternoon. I started a fire in the fireplace to enjoy the ambience. It has been a good day.
We spent the afternoon just chillin!!! We played on the computers and just had a quiet afternoon. I started a fire in the fireplace to enjoy the ambience. It has been a good day.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Just Me
Here I go again.
I am starting to see where this can be great therapy. It has been a trying time for the last few days and writing here seems to give me a chance to release some of the angst. Darilyn is still in the recovery cycle from the latest valley. She is weak. She has not really eaten in the last 3 days. We have managed to maintain fluid intake and some caloric intake but nothing solid as it is very difficult to swallow. So soft foods and liquid nutrients have been the order of the day. But we are coming out of it.
I can write about her and some of what I feel when it concerns her. But why is it I can not touch on other feeling that I have running through my mind? I have spent my entire life denying that there are other things that go on in my mind and person because I do not think they are important enough that anyone would want to know about them. I have always felt that I am not important in the scheme of things and I do not wish to impose myself on anyone. This has been my life's mantra I guess. And there is not really a big chance that I will ever change it.
Who am I? I wonder. Who is this old man? What have I done with my life that will ever justify the existence I have had? Does it really matter? Maybe these are questions that others have asked themselves and maybe they have found their answers. Maybe I will find mine someday.
I have a memory that has been haunting me lately. I have thought about what I believe in life and one of the the main things I have concluded is the law of family. Now this is a series of three basic laws that I stole from a greater man, Isacc Asimov. I modified the basic structure of his 3 laws of robotics to conform to my needed 3 laws of family. Here they are, maybe again.
1. Take care of your family. It is the most important thing in your existence. Allow nothing to harm the family, no matter what you must do insure the survival and protection of the family.
2. Take care of the individual members of your family, as long as it does not bring or cause harm to the entire family. Be there for them and provide for them whatever you can anytime they need it. It is up to each member of the family to provide for all of the others and to protect them at all times.
3. Take care of yourself as long as it does not interfere with laws 1 and 2. All others are your primary concern and you should only worry about yourself when all the others are provided for and protected.
Now this may look like a strange philosophy and it probably is a little off center, but it has always been the way I have seen life. And it is only recently that I began to understand what started it. I do not think this is something that I got from dad, but he was somewhat this way as well. I believe it started with a book I read when I was about 15 years of age. I did not remember much about it other than the story. I did not know the author or the name of the characters or the name of the book. It was just a book that I read and enjoyed. But later in life I became interested in the books of Louis Lamour and much to my surprise I found that I was reading the story again. The name of the book was "Sackett". It was a major formative factor in my life. Mr Lamour wrote many books about the Sackett family over the course of his life and I have tried to read them all as they mean a great deal to me. They may show someone what I felt and what I wanted for my family if someone else should ever read them. And it may be why I am a cowboy who will never grow up.
So with that piece of nonsense out of my system, I say adios.
I am starting to see where this can be great therapy. It has been a trying time for the last few days and writing here seems to give me a chance to release some of the angst. Darilyn is still in the recovery cycle from the latest valley. She is weak. She has not really eaten in the last 3 days. We have managed to maintain fluid intake and some caloric intake but nothing solid as it is very difficult to swallow. So soft foods and liquid nutrients have been the order of the day. But we are coming out of it.
I can write about her and some of what I feel when it concerns her. But why is it I can not touch on other feeling that I have running through my mind? I have spent my entire life denying that there are other things that go on in my mind and person because I do not think they are important enough that anyone would want to know about them. I have always felt that I am not important in the scheme of things and I do not wish to impose myself on anyone. This has been my life's mantra I guess. And there is not really a big chance that I will ever change it.
Who am I? I wonder. Who is this old man? What have I done with my life that will ever justify the existence I have had? Does it really matter? Maybe these are questions that others have asked themselves and maybe they have found their answers. Maybe I will find mine someday.
I have a memory that has been haunting me lately. I have thought about what I believe in life and one of the the main things I have concluded is the law of family. Now this is a series of three basic laws that I stole from a greater man, Isacc Asimov. I modified the basic structure of his 3 laws of robotics to conform to my needed 3 laws of family. Here they are, maybe again.
1. Take care of your family. It is the most important thing in your existence. Allow nothing to harm the family, no matter what you must do insure the survival and protection of the family.
2. Take care of the individual members of your family, as long as it does not bring or cause harm to the entire family. Be there for them and provide for them whatever you can anytime they need it. It is up to each member of the family to provide for all of the others and to protect them at all times.
3. Take care of yourself as long as it does not interfere with laws 1 and 2. All others are your primary concern and you should only worry about yourself when all the others are provided for and protected.
Now this may look like a strange philosophy and it probably is a little off center, but it has always been the way I have seen life. And it is only recently that I began to understand what started it. I do not think this is something that I got from dad, but he was somewhat this way as well. I believe it started with a book I read when I was about 15 years of age. I did not remember much about it other than the story. I did not know the author or the name of the characters or the name of the book. It was just a book that I read and enjoyed. But later in life I became interested in the books of Louis Lamour and much to my surprise I found that I was reading the story again. The name of the book was "Sackett". It was a major formative factor in my life. Mr Lamour wrote many books about the Sackett family over the course of his life and I have tried to read them all as they mean a great deal to me. They may show someone what I felt and what I wanted for my family if someone else should ever read them. And it may be why I am a cowboy who will never grow up.
So with that piece of nonsense out of my system, I say adios.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Updates + two
Here I am again to relate how my lady is coming along with this battle. And it is that for sure. She did not have the best of nights being unable to swallow very well, but it was handled. I was only scheduled to work 4 hours today and I did not have to go in until the afternoon. Then the phone rang this morning and the nurse from the oncologist had some news. The blood test results were in and not good. The white cell count was down to almost non-existant. Darilyn has effectively been grounded. She is not to go out because her immunce system is severely comprimised. She is to stay home all weekend. They prescribed amoxcillin antibiotic to help to fight any potential infection. And if her temp gets to 100.5, I am to contact them immediately. She is also set for another blood test early monday morning.
Tonight, she is doing better. She has been in bed all day resting. She has very little appetite but she is getting her liquids. The yeast infection seems to be coming under control. She is resting now for the night. I am doing the best I can to keep the house in order and meals made. And I find I am not too bad at the routine. The things I learned as a teen have come back to me so they tasks are not foreign. I can do a decent job when I set myself to doing it.
Darilyn's daughter Barbara has been a great help as well. She lives here in the city and is quite close to us. She does all she can to take care of her mother. They are very close. she has been a comfort to me as well. The closest thing to family that I have around here. Not blood, but family. Actually closer than some blood relatives by their choices. Not my girls by the way. Or my siblings. I love you all.
There are times when I am away from the keyboard that I think of a lot of things that I would like to spend time exploring in this blog. But then I sit down at the keyboard and I can not seem to remember them. I am going to have to find a way of reminding myself about them.
Enough for now. Good evening.
Tonight, she is doing better. She has been in bed all day resting. She has very little appetite but she is getting her liquids. The yeast infection seems to be coming under control. She is resting now for the night. I am doing the best I can to keep the house in order and meals made. And I find I am not too bad at the routine. The things I learned as a teen have come back to me so they tasks are not foreign. I can do a decent job when I set myself to doing it.
Darilyn's daughter Barbara has been a great help as well. She lives here in the city and is quite close to us. She does all she can to take care of her mother. They are very close. she has been a comfort to me as well. The closest thing to family that I have around here. Not blood, but family. Actually closer than some blood relatives by their choices. Not my girls by the way. Or my siblings. I love you all.
There are times when I am away from the keyboard that I think of a lot of things that I would like to spend time exploring in this blog. But then I sit down at the keyboard and I can not seem to remember them. I am going to have to find a way of reminding myself about them.
Enough for now. Good evening.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Updates, next day
Today was not a really good day either. My lady did not go to work as she was feeling poorly. Very poorly. She can hardly speak from a sore throat. And a fever of 100.3. So it was time to visit the doctor again. I stayed home as I knew she needed assistance. I took her this afternoon and the diagnosis was a yeast infection in the mouth and throat. Not an uncommon occurrence it seems for chemotherapy patients. She had such a bad throat that she could not swallow so henceforth, low on liquids in her body. It was also causing a very elevated blood pressure. 166/112. She could not take her meds to day and that had added to the problem. She was also unable to take antibiotics orally because of difficulty swallowing. Solution: IV to replenish liquids and possibly a source for antibiotics. Did not ask. Prescriptions provided to fight the yeast and something they call miracle mouth wash. It is a formulation that allows for healing of the pain and provides pain relieve and is used multiple times a day. Now she is resting and I hope it lets her get better. I had to crush the yeast med and suspend it in a glass of water, at the doctors suggestion.
Thanks TT for your message. It truly helps to know that you all are there. And to Maureen, I thank you as well. I was not aware of your looking in.
Santini, pass on something to your dear spouse from this old man. Thank you. He is a vet as well. I have sent my thank you to our little brother so I must acknowledge another of the family who has been there to give us the freedom we have.
Later
Thanks TT for your message. It truly helps to know that you all are there. And to Maureen, I thank you as well. I was not aware of your looking in.
Santini, pass on something to your dear spouse from this old man. Thank you. He is a vet as well. I have sent my thank you to our little brother so I must acknowledge another of the family who has been there to give us the freedom we have.
Later
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Updates
I guess it is time to bring us all up to date.
Darilyn had treatment number 5 last thursday, 11/6. She is sick this week. She is the worst I have seen so far. A week after the last treatment, back in October, it kind of hit the fan. The mail order pharmacy that is contracted by the insurance company had fallen down on the job. Because of the anemia, she was to receive Procrit to self inject to cause her body to create more red blood cells. Well, they did not do it. They did not even acknowledge that she was trying to contact them about the need to fill the prescription from her oncologist. They had not supplied the other injectable medication that she requires to cause her system to begin making white cells again. I came home on thursday night from work and found her in bed looking bad with a fever. This was the 3rd day with the fever. She had to go in on friday to have a blood test so I called in sick to work and stayed home to care for her. The nurse said that she would take the blood to the lab herself and we went home. About an hour later, the nurse called and told me that Darilyn was severely anemic and needed an immediate blood transfusion. Well that kind of let it all hit the fan. I took her down the cancer center at the hospital and we got it all set up and then spent the afternood receiving 2 units of blood. I took her home and put her to bed.
The next day, she was feeling better and she got in touch with the pharmacy via email. They got back to her by phone when she informed them in the email she was tired of them messing around with her life. They were supposed to call monday morning bright and early. They did not. She sent another email and later that morning stopped in at work and let the insurance coordinator in on what was happening. Blue Cross called her that afternoon. The pharmacy called her that afternoon, after Blue Cross got in touch with them. The meds showed up the next day. She was tired and week for a few days but got stronger.
This time, it has been a week since the treatment and she is very tired and weak. She is not running a fever but she is not well. She gets up and goes to work because that is the way she is, but she comes home half way through the day. She is in bed again tonight and I am getting so tired of seeing her this way and not having anything I can do. I hope she will start feeling better. There is only one treatment left and then this is over. But damn it this is not right.
Well, there it is. The update for such as it is.
Darilyn had treatment number 5 last thursday, 11/6. She is sick this week. She is the worst I have seen so far. A week after the last treatment, back in October, it kind of hit the fan. The mail order pharmacy that is contracted by the insurance company had fallen down on the job. Because of the anemia, she was to receive Procrit to self inject to cause her body to create more red blood cells. Well, they did not do it. They did not even acknowledge that she was trying to contact them about the need to fill the prescription from her oncologist. They had not supplied the other injectable medication that she requires to cause her system to begin making white cells again. I came home on thursday night from work and found her in bed looking bad with a fever. This was the 3rd day with the fever. She had to go in on friday to have a blood test so I called in sick to work and stayed home to care for her. The nurse said that she would take the blood to the lab herself and we went home. About an hour later, the nurse called and told me that Darilyn was severely anemic and needed an immediate blood transfusion. Well that kind of let it all hit the fan. I took her down the cancer center at the hospital and we got it all set up and then spent the afternood receiving 2 units of blood. I took her home and put her to bed.
The next day, she was feeling better and she got in touch with the pharmacy via email. They got back to her by phone when she informed them in the email she was tired of them messing around with her life. They were supposed to call monday morning bright and early. They did not. She sent another email and later that morning stopped in at work and let the insurance coordinator in on what was happening. Blue Cross called her that afternoon. The pharmacy called her that afternoon, after Blue Cross got in touch with them. The meds showed up the next day. She was tired and week for a few days but got stronger.
This time, it has been a week since the treatment and she is very tired and weak. She is not running a fever but she is not well. She gets up and goes to work because that is the way she is, but she comes home half way through the day. She is in bed again tonight and I am getting so tired of seeing her this way and not having anything I can do. I hope she will start feeling better. There is only one treatment left and then this is over. But damn it this is not right.
Well, there it is. The update for such as it is.
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